Thursday, February 5, 2009

today's email conversation

This is what happens when there's not enough work to occupy the brain:

Heather: Ahh, such pretty kitties! Pretty kitties who could easily bite my head off, but still pretty.
I really want to hug one...that's the stupid part of my brain talking there.

Barbie doll: Just grab a tranquilizer gun....

Barbie doll: First one to find a tiger and rub it's belly without getting mauled wins!

Lina: I wonder if rubbing its belly can bring you luck? Hmmmm... Maybe if its a sedated Buddhist tiger...

me: If it's a Buddhist tiger, it's probably a vegetarian.

Lina: ... my massage therapist is a Buddhist and she eats chicken... maybe humans taste like chicken in Tigger's case (Gawd, I have now named him... and identified its gender)

me: A lot of things that aren't chicken, taste like chicken. Humans too, I guess.

Barbie: Anyone else hungry? o_O

me: I feel like eating jerky.

Lina: tiger jerky? now we'll turn the table on him.... grrrrr.....

me: I want to be there when you pounce on the tiger to make it into jerky.

Barbie doll: That's what it gets for being a vegetarian!

Lina: actually once the killing and butchering is completed, making jery is fairly simple... We just have to keep Barb away with her "save the tigers" protest/sign.

me: Yes, but it's the hunting, and trapping part that will be difficult. I'm betting that the tiger will make ya into human jerky before you can turn him into jerky.

Lina: ... this is why a trip to the zoo in the VERY late evening (wink-wink) is so crucial to this operation....

Barbie doll: The midgets. Send the midgets. It's a amazing what a midget on a sugar high can do.

Heather: and I thought I was guys beat me!!

me: Not crazy. Merely thinking outside of the box.

Lina: .... thinking outside the cage.. grrrrrr

Barbie doll: Yet, oddly enough, also outside of the funny farm. At least momentarily.

me: I want a midget now. Clean my closet for me, do my homework, grocery shopping, the possibilities are endless. Where can I find a midget? Or should I leave candy out in the open and do a stakeout?

Lina: ... do midgets taste like chicken?... if we cant eat'em, maybe we can use them to serve drinks in a movie theatre.... think about it... :p

me: The tigers might think the midgets are chicken nuggets. They might not last too long.

Lina: what dipping sauce would be good with midget nuggets?

Barbie doll: They are going to want fries with that, aren't they?

Lina: ... yeah... small fries

Barbie doll: How to end up with your own midget army:
- find a weird American friend. Don't ask me how, I seem to attract 'em. You need to find your own methods.
- get a weird Canadian friend to mock the state that your American friend is from. You know how patriotic Americans are. Get em real riled up.
- Once your friend has upset the American, throw in a couple more jabs, but the timing must be perfect. eventually, they will send a midget army to invade
- once the midgets arrive, subvert them to your will using Timmy's. One taste of Canadian yumminess, and they are yours to command. Keep feeding them on a regular basis, and send them out with the dog to exercise them.

me: Interesting. Is there a way where we can skip steps 1 to 3, go down to the States and bribe a midget army with Timmy goodness to come back home with us?

Barbie doll: Praps, but then you don't have the joy and pleasure of mocking Americans. And seriously, you don't want to do this on their home turf. There are armed rednecks down there.

me: Armed rednecks can be pacified easily enough. Yell 'bonfire' and they'll roast anything they can pierce a stick through. And while they're looking for the bonfire, you can make a getaway.

Barbie doll: Okay, so we basically just need to head to the US, start setting a number of fires, make sure something besides us is within stick-piercing distance, yell a few things, stand back, mock the rednecks, then carry on with our supply of Timmy's in an attempt to get our own midget army, so we can bring them back and send them off to kill and properly butcher a tiger, in order for us to have tiger jerky. I wonder what the import tax on midgets is...

me: Claim them as our children.

Barbie doll: We now have a strange American calling US weird and saying there is something in the water up here.

me: This strange American, does he have midgets?

Barbie doll: 5 in the closet, they are stackable....

me: I will exchange 5 cups of Timmy goodness along with a donut/muffin for each cup for his 5 midgets.

me: 5 Timbits for 5 midgets!

Barbie doll: I think we should get the midgets to train the koala in sumo wrestling....

Lina: but wouldn't that make them Japanese midgets?

Barbie doll: EVEN BETTER! then they can make us sushi.

me: Maybe there Japanese immigrants who are midgets and living in the USA?

Barbie doll: Okay, so we now need an Ewok from Dubai, and a dwarf from Shanghai and our eating experiences should be complete. Oh, praps an elf from Cannes too. Oh, and a mother from Florence. (Yes, it's all about the food...)

Lina: ... what about the special needs cousin from NFLD.... eh...

Barbie doll: can he cook?

me: Who cares? It has a Newfie accent! Send it down to the USA and watch it confuse the heck out of the Americans. It'll be our secret weapon.

Barbie doll: BRILLIANT! A secret weapon! Bwa ha ha ha ha ha ha!


I had a gift certificate for Coast seafood restaurant (courtesy of Style Spy from the holiday shopathon last Christmas) that was itching to be used, so I invited Shar out for some wining and dining tonight. Since we had time to kill before dinner, we stopped by a few boutiques along the way. Ended up in Fine Finds and with a 10% discount card, I purchased a lovely pearl bracelet and a beaded ring (there goes my 2 month shopping probation!). We had the Signature Coastal Platter (West Coast oysters with tobiko mignonette, citrus snow crab claws, cherrystone clams and honey mussels, BC shrimp and smoke squid springroll, mirin soy marinated ahi and albacore tuna, grill-popped oysters with goat cheese and bacon and smoked salmon and cream cheese croquettes with maple mustard) for dinner. There was also a special cold appetizer platter which was ginormous and mango margaritas (special of the day) to sip on. Who knew smoked squid and raw oysters would taste so good? The drinks were good too, not too sweet at all but with a hint of mango as the aftertaste. We also got a little dessert platter as well to finish off the meal: Banana and chocolate flourless torte with roasted banana on top, peanut butter bar (peanut butter mascarpone mousse, dark chocolate glaze and wafer crust) and 3 cheese French-style vanilla cheesecake with spiced honey and orange reduction.

Whew, that's a lot of food!

Mango margaritas!

Great way to end the night!

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